Author: Sheila Quirke

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Newtown, Old Story: Resources for Discussing School Violence

At 3:50 AM this morning I heard my son’s voice next to me, fresh from sleep, “I miss my sister.  I miss my sister.”  Mary Tyler Son is three.  He was just shy of ten months when his sister Donna died.  He has never before uttered these words, certainly not in the middle of the night.  Tonight, after a full and lovely day together, full of cookies and long drives, and Hannukah celebrations and friends and a new Christmas tree, he rested his head on the table, next to his half eaten sandwich, and said, “I will miss my sister forever.”

My heart breaks for my son.  Today my heart also  breaks for twenty other families in Newtown, Connecticut.  I have no idea how many brothers and sisters will now, too, utter the words of my young son.  We know loss in our family, tragic loss.  What we don’t know is the sudden loss of gun violence.  Twenty families brought a little one to school this morning.  Twenty families are putting one less child to bed tonight.  This is shocking and senseless and becoming an all too familiar occurrence in America.

Right now I am watching the news for the first time today, my boy tucked away, sleeping, safe.  My Dad just called and asks the very logical question as to why a mother in Connecticut owns such a variety of assault weapons.  One of those weapons was used to shoot her today, before it was used to kill twenty children, six educators, and the shooter himself.

America, we have some issues. There were twenty-seven shooting victims today, but it feels like all of us are victimized by this kind of brutality.

Like many of us, I went to Facebook for news and support.  It was grave, sober, quiet.  People are in shock, speechless, scared, numb.  I encouraged my MTM community to share what they would be discussing with their children.  Responses ran the gamut from nothing, wanting to protect and shield the innocence of their children, to some fairly frank discussions with some very young children, parents wanting to be the one to direct the message their kids receive.

School is supposed to be safe.  It just is.  A day like today shatters that illusion of safety and order.  A day like today calls everything we take for granted into question.  A day like today scares us and our children.  How can we discuss the events of Newtown when we don’t understand them ourselves?  As parents, we are supposed to be the ones with answers.  It is our responsibility to ensure the safety and well being of our children.  Our children look to us to be their protectors.

We live in a world where gun violence is now common.  School gun violence, becoming more so.  Why that is is not something for this blog post to ponder.  I am more worried about you, about all of us, and how we can continue to parent and help our children feel safe in this new world order where school gun violence is a fact of life.

My son is three.  He is not aware of what happened in Newtown today.  My husband and I are in agreement that we will not initiate discussion of today’s events or school violence with him right now.  Should he hear of it, should he want to talk about it, we will address it.  We will answer the questions he asks, and no others.  We will not assume what he needs to hear, we will listen and respond and stress his safety.  At three, we can protect him from this.  Were he just a couple of years older, I am not so certain.

Children are smart and perceptive and intuitive.  They sense our unease. They know when they are being hugged tighter, kissed more, treated, sugared, indulged.  They might not know why, but they sense difference. They do.

For those children old enough to be aware, please understand that it is important for their concerns to be addressed.  If you don’t understand it, there is no shame in that.  How can any of us understand these actions?  But do not let your fear or uncertainty about what to say keep you from tending to your child’s needs.  Let them be your guide.  Listen to them,  watch them, talk to their teachers.  Talk to them.

Turn the news off.  Turn your own comments off about this matter when your young kids are present.  Watch your language.  “Monster, animal, sicko, beast” are just a few of the words I have heard today to describe the shooter.  The language we use influences our children, too.  Pay attention to what you are saying that your kids might be hearing.  Find out what your child knows and address those things.

Here are a few resources that you can use to educate yourself or prepare for a discussion with your child.  I know that many of you are hoping to avoid the discussion, at least for the weekend.  That’s okay, if you are sheltering them from the news.  Use the time.  Think and prepare for what questions might arise next week when they return to school.  Each of these has been reviewed by me and has the MTM thumbs up for being useful and on topic, and better yet, was provided by a fellow reader.

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Chicken Pot Pie for Dummies

Some months of the year just seem to require more hugs.  December is one of those.  There is the stress of the holidays, the brutal awareness that our holidays will never just be stressful, they will be sad to boot, and the obligatory cheer that we are surrounded by and fully expected to participate in.  Sigh.

Hugs are most welcome this time of year.  And sometimes?  Sometimes you need a hug from the inside.  This chicken pot pie recipe is just what the doctor ordered.  Well, probably not, as it contains butter, frozen vegetables, and refrigerator biscuits.  So, yeah, probably not the healthiest meal one could provide their family, but you’d be hard pressed to find one more comforting.  And sometimes the hug just needs to win out over the health.

Oh!  And lest the idea of cooking something as potentially intimidating or time consuming as a pot pie make you just pin this sucker with no intention of ever actually making it, think again.  As I have detailed, I am not great in the kitchen.  I am capable, I am adequate.  This recipe meets my criteria for minimum effort with maximum return.  It is a little time consuming, so don’t do it on a weekday if you work outside the home, but for weekend dinner it is perfection and the leftovers are just as good.  Serve it with a simple green salad and you are good to go.

Warm hugs from my kitchen to yours.

Chicken Pot Pie

Chicken Pot Pie (Better Homes and Gardens, New Cook Book, 1989)

1 twelve ounce package frozen mixed vegetables

1/2 cup chopped onion

1/2 cup chopped fresh mushrooms

1/4 cup margarine or butter

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt (I use 1/4 teaspoon with no ill effect)

1/2 teaspoon dried sage, marjoram, or thyme (I prefer the sage)

1/8 teaspoon pepper

2 cups chicken broth (I use low sodium)

3/4 cup milk (whole or 2% as skim will not get you what you need here)

3 cups cubed cooked chicken or turkey (a pound will do it)

1/4 cup snipped parsley

1/4 cup chopped pimiento

1 package refrigerator biscuits (cut each biscuit into quarters)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Cook vegetables according to package directions; drain and set aside.  In a saucepan cook onion and mushrooms in butter until tender.  Stir in flour, salt, sage (or marjoram or thyme), and pepper.  Add chicken broth and milk all at once.  Cook and stir until thickened and bubbly.  Stir in drained vegetables, chicken, parsley, and pimiento.  Heat until bubbly.  Pour chicken mixture into 9 x 13 casserole dish.  Cut one package of refrigerator biscuits (I prefer the Pillsbury Grands biscuits) into quarters and place on top of bubbly chicken mixture in dish.  Pop in oven for approximately 12-15 minutes until biscuits are golden.  Serves 6.

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Festival of Lights Parade for Beginners

I have never used this platform as a means to endorse or promote a particular brand or product and I take this very seriously.  You all don’t come here to find out what car to drive or broom to use.  You come here to read about life and love and hope and family and all those kinds of good things.  Chevy didn’t ask me to write this and I waffled about whether or not I should.  In the end, I am so floored and grateful to have been given this opportunity that here I am.  I guess I found my line in the mommy blogger sand.  

Chicago’s Festival of Lights Parade down Michigan Avenue has always been something I have wondered about, but never actually been.  It seemed like a cool thing, but a “thing,” you know, where lots and lots and lots of folks not from Chicago come in to enjoy the sights and sounds.  If you live here, you become a city snob and avoid those things like the plague.  You can add the air show, St. Patrick’s Day Parade, and Taste of Chicago to this mix, too.

Shhhhhh.  Don’t tell anyone I told you that.  Us city dwellers have an unspoken code that I just breached.

All that changed a few weeks ago when I got an email from a new acquaintance at GM.  In September I had been awarded the “Our Town, Our Heroes” award that GM sponsors.  Every month they pick a local person that has been nominated for their community service to others.  I was nominated for the things our charity, Donna’s Good Things, does.  Specifically, funding dance education and scholarships in our Rogers Park community and providing programming at Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago in partnership with the Old Town School of Folk Music.

SHAMELESS PLUG:  This year we started funding weekly dance education at Rogers Elementary — that’s 700+ kids getting arts education on a weekly basis for the course of the school year.  Considering that there is minimal or no arts education in the average CPS neighborhood school, we are pretty damn proud of this.

Enough tooting my own horn, though!

Fred wrote with one of the most generous invitations I have ever received.  Would my family like to participate, as a guest of Chevy, in the Festival of Lights parade?  Oh, yeah, and we would be IN the parade, riding in the pace car.  Um, yes, Fred, why yes we would like to ride in the pace car of the Festival of Lights parade, thank you very much!

It was AMAZING.  Honestly, the experience of a lifetime and something I am so proud to have been able to share with my family.  Mary Tyler Son and Mary Tyler Dad both had a blast and were wowed by all of the things we saw.  No parade will ever be quite the same.  Donna taught me the importance of moments, the necessity of seeking out the wonders in everyday life, the need to go to the joy.

Thanks to Chevy and Donna, as I think both had a hand in helping my family make this memory.