Barbie v. Cancer

Bald Barbie

Bald Barbie is running rampant over my social media feeds this new year.

A movement is afoot to strong arm Mattel into mass producing their signature tart, Barbie, into a bald symbol of beauty for little girls with cancer and other health conditions that make their hair fall out feel “accepted and beautiful.”

“Mattel should make a Barbie with no hair so that every little girl fighting cancer feels beautiful!! The wish for this petition is that the Barbie is also named Hope and a portion of proceeds from the sales of this Barbie go to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.”

“Lets make every child fighting an illness that causes them to lose their hair feel special and beautiful-like the Barbies/Dolls they play with!”

“The goal of this “Barbie” is that all children know that bald is beautiful and deal with their own hair loss or a loved one’s . The proceeds from this doll would go to a pediatric Cancer research facilit.”

Imma about to step up on my soapbox, kids, so consider yourself warned.

Girls with cancer need a bald doll about as much as women with breast cancer need a pink Kitchen Aid mixer.  The hard truth, and spoken with authority as the mom of a girl treated for cancer, is that girls with cancer do not need a bald Barbie.  They do not need bald Disney princesses either.  I have no doubt that there are psychosocial benefits to having a bald representation of yourself if you are a kid in the middle of cancer treatment.  Our toddler daughter certainly preferred characters missing golden locks on top — Charlie Brown and Caillou were favorites of hers.  But need and want are at different ends of the spectrum.

You know what girls with cancer need?  They need money.  They need lots and lots and oodles and oodles of dollars for the researchers working on their behalf.  Primarily, these researchers are attached to well established pediatric hospitals and universities, as pharmaceutical companies only minimally invest in pediatric cancer. You see, it is not in their financial interest.  Stone cold truth, people.   This network of hospitals is knows as “COG,” the Children’s Oncology Group.

“The Children’s Oncology Group (COG), a National Cancer Institute supported clinical trials group, is the world’s largest organization devoted exclusively to childhood and adolescent cancer research. The COG unites more than 7,500 experts in childhood cancer at more than 200 leading children’s hospitals, universities, and cancer centers across North America, Australia, New Zealand, and Europe in the fight against childhood cancer.”

What do Barbies run these days?  $10?  $20?  I don’t know, honestly.  Full disclosure, I have never been a Barbie kind of girl, even as a child.  They didn’t float my boat, not then, not now.  But that’s beside my point.  If you want to support children with cancer, and it is kids with cancer — boys and girls are diagnosed at the rate of 46 every school day in America — give that $10-$20 to a charity supporting and investing in new research for pediatric cancer.

Believe me when I say, from the bottom of my broken heart, that children with cancer could use the kind of money that Mattel takes in during a single holiday season spent on research much more than they can use dolls that resemble them in follicles only. Let’s get real, okay?  If we wanted our dolls to look like our girls — if that is the premise behind the call for a bald Barbie — said dolls would not be built like unattainable fantasies of what women should look like. Can I get a witness?

The only winner in the demand for a bald Barbie will be the marketers behind such a scheme.  Supporters and petitioners can tell themselves that all “proceeds” will go to a worthy children’s health related charity, but that will be but a mere pittance compared to the much bigger dollars that will go directly into the pockets of the manufacturers and marketers.

All that pink you see in October?  A fraction of that is actually being delivered to researchers.  Marketers and manufacturers trade on the knowledge that millions of women will pony up for pink merchandise and they laugh every step to the bank, counting their pink pennies all the way.  If they see an opportunity, they will do the same with gold.  For many in the pediatric cancer community, that would be a win — making gold, the awareness color of pediatric cancer, as recognizable as pink.  To me, that always seemed a hollow goal.  Having major corporations raise awareness of pediatric cancer and the need to fund its research is A-OK in my book, but making a profit on that is not.

This opinion may not be popular in a host of circles, and that is okay with me.  I speak with an awareness of what kids with cancer actually need and I would wish that knowledge on no one — not the people who slam me for not being active enough in the pediatric cancer community, nor the people who slam me for championing pediatric cancer over breast cancer.  As I say, you can’t win for trying, but I will keep trying.

Kids with cancer need research more than they need a bald tart.  That’s right, Barbie, I called you a tart.  What of it?

Oh, and if you are wanting to help those kids with cancer with those research $ they so desperately need, here are two organizations with excellent charity ratings that get the job done and don’t make a profit at it:

CureSearch and St. Baldrick’s

Outsourcing the Birthday Party

Dino birthday 

I throw my arms up in the air sometimes singing, “ayo, I need a break-o!”

This is one of those times.  Mary Tyler Son has a New Year’s birthday.  January 2 to be exact.  It kind of sucks.  The holidays are hard on families that are missing a child.  There is all this call for cheer and family togetherness, except we will never be completely together again, and we will never be so naively cheerful a familiy as we were before cancer.  We know too much.

Mary Tyler Son gets caught in the crossfire of that a bit, but we work hard to protect him.  So not only is his birthday — such a lovely event in a child’s life — on the heels of Christmas, but it is on the heels of Christmas within a grieving family.  Poor kid.

Last year, his second birthday, we threw a sweet party on his actual day.  It was lovely, really, but hard on us.  Mary Tyler Dad and I host a New Year’s Eve party at the hospital where Donna was treated, so there are lots of preps for that.  On New Year’s Day, we ran around like banshees cleaning out the clutter of Christmas, and on party day we had a knock-down drag-out fight about a cake.

That’s right, a cake.  A dinosaur cake to be exact.

Mary Tyler Dad and I don’t fight very much.  We’re simpatico like that.  There is a noticeable lack of drama in our home that we value immensely.  So on party day, we had “creative differences” about the dinosaur cake we were making for our boy.  It was my vision, but I needed Mary Tyler Dad’s skill to execute.  Well, he had his own vision, and the fight ensued.  Yeah, it wasn’t pretty.  In the end, we got through it, but I think that damn dinosaur cake made an impression on us both.   

This year Mary Tyler Dad, the King of kitchen DIY, didn’t raise an eyebrow when I suggested we have Mary Tyler Son’s birthday at his favorite restaurant, a local grill.  An eyebrow was raised when I suggested we have a bakery cake, but that was more about his New England thrift than a bakery cake. 

We’re beat.  Both of us.  He is working, I am working.  I’ve got this new Pinterest addiction to manage (that takes time, yo), and we still haven’t finished the deholidification process after Christmas.  Embracing our limitations, we are outsourcing the birthday party.  First time ever.

It is actually a bit thrilling, this outsourcing thing.  The grill will cook, the bakery will bake, we will show up and celebrate.  I got some things to decorate the restaurant to satisfy my inner Martha, and I’ll rope Mary Tyler Dad into that to include his inner Stewart.  There is the joy of gift bags for the little ones.  I get to feel excited about those, rather than oppressed by another responsibility. 

Truth be told, I’m looking forward to this outsourced event.  And, hey, we’ll also be supporting two local businesses we love, so take that, sucky economy! 

Much thanks to our friends at The Moose Grill and Maddiebird Bakery (shop local!) for helping us give Mary Tyler Son a joyful celebration!

Here is to keeping the joy and outsourcing the stress.  Happy 2012, folks!  Happy birthday, Mary Tyler Son!

Why do I need The Bachelor when I already have a husband?

There are certain things about myself that I share on this here internet, that perhaps would be best kept to myself.  Through Mary Tyler Mom, you know that I have a cleaning lady, you know that Mary Tyler Son is named after Chicago’s Mayor Daley, and (sorry for this one), you know about my trampoline incontinence episode.

Today I will reveal the extent of my bad tee vee habits.

I watch a lot of it, and would watch much more if given half a chance.  Last year I all but forfeited reading for the whole new world of tee vee that the iPad brought me.  Between HBO Go, Netflix, Hulu+, and abc.com, it’s a wonder that Mary Tyler Son eats and has clean clothes to wear.  Mary Tyler Dad is known as the “iPad widower” in our home.   Sigh.  I’m not proud of it, and I hope it is a phase, albeit a longlasting one, but there it is:  My name is Mary Tyler Mom and I am addicted to bad tee vee.

“Hi, Mary Tyler Mom!”

I see I am in good company.

I acknowledged I had a problem on Thanksgiving when my beloved cousin revealed that she had stopped reading and her dear husband had left a library book for her on the nightstand as a nudge to get her back into the reading game.  I recognized myself.  I, too, had stopped reading.  I totally and completely blame the iPad.  Another cousin warned me about it over a year ago when I was waxing poetic about my new toy.  “Don’t read your books there, or you’ll stop reading.”  I told her I had started electronic books.  She warned me that was all well and good, but not to read the electronic books on the iPad, as there were too many other distractions.  Yeah, she was right.  Fourteen months later, I think I have read only three books.

Today I learned that the newest season of The Bachelor premieres.  It is, quite possibly, the worst show on tee vee.  Predictable, insanely gendered, stupid, fluffy.  And yet, I secretly cheered inside.  It’s my son’s third birthday today, and with this news, I thought I was getting the gift.

Yes, I have a problem.

Okay.  So I watch a lot of bad tee vee.  Real Housewives of the SVU hire House Hunters for a Nip/Tuck.  It’s not good, but it’s not terrible, either.  Bad tee vee helps me relax.  It gets me out of my head, which can get kind of gloomy sometimes.  A little bad tee vee is no problem.  What I want to watch is the balancing act.  Too much tee vee = not enough reading, not enough talking with Mary Tyler Dad, not enough time to organize around the house, etc.  Imma try to keep it balanced this new year.

The good news is that I’m a third of the way through a new book.  A paper book with pages and a cover, old school.  And I get extra points for effort, as it is a first person history of Berlin in 1933.  Go big or go Bachelor.  Wish me luck.

Oh, and why don’t you plan on hanging out with me on my facebook page this year?  It’s a good time.  For reals.