Category: Guest Bloggers

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Guest Post: Discoveries of a New Dad

I am so very happy to introduce this blogger to you. Many thanks for Doyin Richards for sharing his work us.

Baby Over Head

I’ve been a father for 16 months, and it’s mind-boggling how much I’ve learned in such a short timeframe about life, my daughter, and myself. Here’s a Top Ten list that lays it all out from a new dad’s perspective.

Number 10: I’m a happily married man, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve learned that nothing serves as a better chick magnet than a halfway decent looking guy taking a baby out on a walk. Usually my wife and I are together when we take our daughter out, but on the rare occasions that it’s just me and the little one – it becomes quite a social experiment. Women from all walks of life will stop me and say “Awwww! She’s adorable!” or “You’re so cute for taking your daughter out on a walk!” or “Your wife is so lucky to have you!” My wife quips that nobody ever stops her when she takes the baby out. Memo to single men: Offer to borrow a friend’s baby and go to your local mall this weekend – you will return home with digits, trust me. My wife disagrees and says, “Those women probably never saw a black guy take care of a baby before and had no idea how to act. It’s similar to the way a child would react when seeing an exotic animal at the zoo. Get over yourself.” I’ve also learned that nobody is better at checking my ego than my half-Japanese, half-white wife – but I knew that after our first date. Did I mention that we’re happily married? Good…just checking.

Number 9: I’ve learned that having a daughter makes me say a lot of unmanly things. In the past 24 hours I’ve probably said the words, “pumpkin,” “snookums,” “honeybun,” and “love bug” more often than I’ve said them in my entire life before the baby. Not only do I say these things often, but I also say them in a voice that sounds like Pee-Wee Herman moments after getting kicked in the nuts by an NFL Punter. However, when I’m alone with my thoughts, I often fantasize about beating up crackheads, or eating uncooked meat, or wearing Wrangler jeans while playing catch with Brett Favre – or doing anything to feel like a real man again. Is that wrong?

Number 8: I’m kidding in the comment above, because I’ve learned that nothing makes me feel more like a real man than being an attentive and loving father to my daughter. Not a day passes where we don’t laugh together, dance together, and play together. It’s so interesting how such a small human being can bring out the best qualities in someone, because my baby does that for me every day.

Number 7: I’ve learned that babies are so much cooler than adults. They laugh when you do/say something funny, they’ll let you know instantly if you do/say something to piss them off, they aren’t afraid to show affection towards the people they love, they’re the most unintentionally funny people you’ll find (and that’s the best type of funny, if you ask me), they’ll stay up late to drink with you, and they’re comfortable enough to fart and poop around you. I don’t know about you, but it’s hard to find friends who have all of those qualities. You’ll never have to worry if they’re trying to backstab you, use you, or manipulate you (well, sometimes those l’il buggers can be quite manipulative, but you get my point). As adults we’re often preoccupied with impressing strangers and being cool – but babies couldn’t care less if you’re chubby, drive a beat up car, have morning breath, or tell corny jokes. In other words, even though we think we have a ton of faults, babies will remind us that we’re absolutely perfect just the way we are.

Number 6: I remember while at my first corporate job as a knuckleheaded 22-year old college graduate, an older lady (and by “older,” I mean mid-30s) in the cubicle next to me spent her first week back from maternity leave in tears. The whole time I heard her sobbing, I thought to myself that she must nuts. I arrogantly believed that the only time you should cry over your kids is if they’re dead, dying, or kidnapped. Wouldn’t she want to get away from her baby for a few hours and do some “real work” for Pete’s sake?? When we had a discussion a few weeks later, she put her hand on my shoulder and said, “Just wait until you have a baby. You’ll spend a lot of time in tears when you have to go back to work, trust me.” I chuckled and responded, “All due respect, but there’s no way that I’m going to cry over a kid. I’ll be happy to get back to work.” Fast forward 14 years later, and I was the “older” mid-30s guy heading back to work after paternity leave – and you guessed it – I was a sobbing mess of a man…for two weeks. Even though I hadn’t talked to this woman in years, I looked her up on Facebook and sent her a message that only said, “You were right about the baby thing.” She wrote back an hour later and said, “And I bet you cried for longer than a week, didn’t you?” Damn. To recap, I learned three things here:

  • I was a complete idiot when I was in my 20’s.
  • I’ll cry over my baby when she’s perfectly healthy, and for no other reason than I just miss the hell out of her whenever she’s not around me.
  • Mothers are always right. Always.

Number 5: Now that I have a baby, I’ve learned that there’s hardly any time or energy to partake in the ancillary activities that I used to enjoy. For example, in the past three weeks I’ve turned on my PlayStation as many times as I’ve turned on my wife. And for those of you keeping score at home, that number is zero.

Sleeping Child

Number 4: I’ve learned that whenever I worry that I’m not doing a good enough job as a father, it probably means I’m doing a damn good job.

Number 3: About six months ago, I made sure nobody was around and I took a quick swig of my wife’s breast milk that she left in the fridge. I learned that it tastes like sunshine and happiness topped with melted sugar.

Number 2:  As a sports loving, beer drinking man – I didn’t quite know what to expect when I found out that we were pregnant with a girl. Now that she’s here, I’ve learned that raising a daughter is unbelievably awesome. I had no clue that I’d have so much fun dressing my daughter up in Hello Kitty gear, doing her hair, watching Dora the Explorer, and playing Patty Cake together. (must…fight…urge…to…beat up…crackheads)

Number 1: I’ve learned that a different type of love exists. I love my wife to death, and I love my family and friends, but the love I have for my baby girl is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s what I call “LCL” (life-changing love). For example, LCL is what prevents me from succumbing to the cravings for a Burger King double cheeseburger because I’m afraid I could stroke out before she enters high school. LCL is what makes me not stress the small stuff – because at the end of the day, my daughter’s health, safety, and happiness are all that really matters. LCL is what has transformed me into a happier, kinder, and more selfless man than I ever was before. Words cannot describe how thankful I am for that.

In closing, I’m not sure what else I’ll learn as I dive deeper into parenthood; however, a lot of parents tell me, “Just wait. You’ll learn to love your daughter even more than you do now once she gets older.” I always say, “All due respect, but there’s no way that I can love my daughter any more than I do right now.”

Somewhere there’s a mother in a cubicle laughing…

 

Doyin Richards shares his unique and hilarious adventures as loving new dad on his blog on Twitter at @daddydoinwork, and Facebook.  

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Clueless on Curves: Fashion Should Dress the Woman, Not Denigrate Her

Welcome to Mary Tyler Mom’s first guest blog post!  My pal Andy has something important to say.  Really important.  If you love it as much as I do, share the love.  Enjoy! 

 

“Adele ‘too fat’ says Wrinkly Old Queen with Ponytail.”

That’s how the headline should have read. But instead, news being news, the headline stated the obvious. “Karl Lagerfeld calls Adele ‘too fat’” read the piece from Entertainment Weekly.

It detailed yet another episode of a fashion designer –one rich, removed, and questionably dressed— trying to tell the world what the deal is. But I doubt Adele will be losing any gigs at Wembley or the Staples Center over some mean words from the fashion world’s own Herman Munster.

The strange thing is that, as a guy, this news made my radar at all. I don’t own a note of Adele’s music and would probably switch off a radio playing her songs. Plus I don’t read EW and wouldn’t reach for it unless, of course, I’m bored, waiting at the dentist’s office.

Still the thought of this old white-haired dude, a snooty fashion designer who can’t even show his own eyes without sunglasses, criticizing a very talented and beautiful woman about her body…Well, that got my pants in a bunch yesterday. And I’m sure that anyone else reading the headline would take issue with Lagerfeld, and maybe even yank that gnarly thing right off the back of his head.

The issue is always the same. We’ve heard it for years. From “skinny jeans” to “skinny lattes” the constant conversation out there is that skinny is the only beautiful. Or that skinny is the real beautiful, the one you should strive for.

Too often, this mindset is taken as the consensus. And sometimes I fear that women are led to believe that skinny is indeed where it’s at and what your potential soulmate really desires most.

Being resident in my usual “guy” mentality, one question came billowing out of my mind. That question is this:

Since when do fashion designers –many of whom are men not even attracted to women, by inclination—get to call the shots on what’s hot, what’s alluring, what is sexy and beautiful?

It could be that Lagerfeld was just being flippant and bitchy as famous people tend to be. But considering how designers get mega-rich catering to women’s appetite for high fashion, I think designers should celebrate the woman they dress, not denigrate her.

Even the sexless septuagenarians at the top of Vogue and other fashion magazines may have it right on today’s mix of clothes and accessories, but miss the mark on the body. Certainly it is easier to showcase new threads on the slender frame of a mannequin or similarly shaped high fashion model. You’ll note that the women strolling down the cat walk in haute couture are a size 0 and in the 6 foot range.

But these models are hardly in the ballpark of how most normal, healthy, attractive women are. As far as I’m concerned, most of Fashion has no idea what a beautiful woman looks like.


Lagerfeld in biker gloves posing with acceptably slender guests. Harley-Davidson, chaps, whip not pictured. (pic: Get Noticed Communications)

Perhaps I’m unusual. I’ll admit that as a lad I always found older women to be attractive, even before the term cougar got any legs. A woman’s natural curves are large part of the appeal.

But I think my view is similar to that of most sensible men out there. Ask men to name a celebrity they find “hot” and they come up with a ton of answers. However, names like Calista Flockhart and even Kristen Bell aren’t typically among them.

Sure, we men deserve the flack we get about our fixations. Some of us in our younger years placed a woman’s pretty face (or the size of her rack) above more important features like a brain, a sense of humor, personality and verve. But most of us grow out of that. Believe it or not, token blonde hair and skinny legs is not the only thing we’re attracted to, and it’s usually not the first choice.

If you don’t believe me take a superficial look at the women who take up the most space on our TVs.

I won’t say their names, but there’s a reason many a man is sitting at home next to a girlfriend, watching that show on E! about the dark-haired sisters whose names all start with K. It’s not because of Keeping Up’s brilliant content nor that these women have anything interesting to say. Frankly, most of us curve-loving men would rather watch this show with the sound turned down.

I’m not saying skinny is bad. If skinny is naturally you then go with it.  Let’s just stop making women feel bad or even less-than-gorgeous simply because they are not skinny.

But maybe the joke is on me. After all, just a half hour after the last set of bench presses at my manly-man gym, I was square on my couch with my wife, with “What Not to Wear” blazing on the boob tube. As usual, Clinton & Stacy were instructing a pretty woman to ditch the khakis, banish bad golf shirts, and embrace her curves. And rightfully so.

The good news is this. As the crusty old fashion conservatives like Karl Lagerfeld move off the scene, their conventional yet blind ideals will fade away. Besides, the rest of us average joes on the street get it on what’s beautiful.


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Andy Frye writes about local football for ESPNChicago.com and other sports/recreation for the Chicago Sun-Times. Follow his mania about sports and curves on his blog or on Twitter at @MySportsComplex.