Category: Retrospectives

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My Lake Shore Drive

When you choose to live in the place where you grew up, history accrues. Kid history mixes with adult history and family history gets tossed in there, too.  Chicago is my home by birth and by choice and I don’t imagine ever leaving this place.  I am grateful for the immigrant grandparents that chose it and my parents, my Dad especially, who taught me to love it.  Living here is a privilege and yes, sometimes a challenge, but more often than not I feel immense gratitude for being able to call Chicago home.

Lake Shore Drive, for those of you not lucky enough to live here, is the mythic main artery that runs along the eastern edge of the City along Lake Michigan’s shores.  If you live anywhere near it, as I do, it is most likely your preferred means of going north or south.  I have been driving ‘The Drive’ as it’s called for all of my 45 years.

When I was a kid, Lake Shore Drive carried me to museums and the zoo and Grant Park symphonies and air shows and ChicagoFest concerts at Navy Pier.  As a teen I drove along it with my girlfriends, not yet quite understanding that the Lake is always east, so having no idea if we were traveling north or south, but just young and happy and dumb and free, as teens can be, so not really caring either.  As a young adult, Lake Shore Drive brought me to swanky parties and my preferred shopping destinations.

Life was always good when it involved Lake Shore Drive.  It meant an event of some sort, a special day, a destination that would involve fun or adventure.  Good times, always.

As an adult, like many things in adulthood, Lake Shore Drive has become more complicated.  Lake Shore Drive brought me to the apartment where my Mom was slowly dying of cancer.  Lake Shore Drive brought me to the doctor’s office where I learned of four miscarriages.  Lake Shore Drive brought me to the hospital that treated my daughter for the brain tumor that would take her life.  Lake Shore Drive brings me to the hospital where I have been visiting my Dad the past month.

Oy.

It takes me about 15 minutes to get from my back door to the northern tip of Lake Shore Drive at Hollywood.  It’s like a worn path, instinctive, comforting, an old friend in ashphalt that understands me.  Driving south with the Lake at my left and greenery and high rises on my right brings me peace, always.  Day or night, not a single trip passes that I don’t think to myself how lucky I am that I get to live in such a place.  This despite cursing Mayor Rahm Emanuel every time I drive under the North Avenue overpass that the previous Mayor Daley took the time and dollars to decorate with flowers.  Beauty is important, Rahm.  Daley knew that and I appreciated that about him.

See? I'm not the only one who thinks this. There is a whole book about it!
See? I’m not the only one who thinks this. There is a whole book about it!

I have so many comforting memories, too, that are called to mind every time I whiz by.  When my daughter worried about the winter trees being lonely and cold without their leaves, we were driving down Lake Shore Drive.  When she fed the ducks bread, it was while visiting a friend who lives at Diversy and Lake Shore.  She, too, logged a lot of miles going up and down the Drive that brought her back and forth to the hospital her life depended on.  Making that exit off Fullerton, I feel her there, still, despite my daughter and that hospital now both being gone.

And there is that sweet, sweet spot, just south of North, when you are close to the skyline and you know that that same skyline will swallow you up whole if you stay south on Michigan Avenue.  The city that you get closer and closer to as you travel south just envelops you and embraces you and you become a part of it just by staying the course of a southern path.  I’ve tried to capture this sensation in photos a hundred times, at least, and failed each and every attempt.  You just need to see it, to drive it, to feel it.

Lake Shore Drive is more than a road.  It is memory and history and tragedy and joy and strength and beauty and so, so much of my life.

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Having a Bad Day? Get Otter Here!

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re frustrated, face obstacle after obstacle, life is just kind of, sort of getting you down?  No?  Well, bully for you!  Most of us, though, probably have those days more often than we would wish for.  They suck.

You know what doesn’t suck?  Otters!  Otters are, like, the opposite of suck! They are awesome and fantastic and nature’s antidote for the bad day.

So put this gallery of otters in your tool box for future bad days.  I guarantee you, otters will make you feel better.  Gar-run-teed!

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A Letter to My Babysitters As They Leave for College

My family has been blessed with two pretty amazing babysitters for the past four years — identical twins.  We found their advertisement on the window of our local hardware store, which happens to be on a major Chicago street.  It was scary as hell to call a number from an ad.  Turns out, it was a great call.  One of the twins was a pediatric cancer survivor and they donated a portion of their earnings to research for childhood cancer.  Amazing, indeed!

Dear Girlies,

First of all, I owe you a tremendous amount of gratitude for being part of my village the past four years.  I’ll talk more about villages and why they’re so important in a bit, but just know that Mary Tyler Son LOVES you both, equally, and is just a wee bit devastated that you are no longer our go to babysitters.  Mary Tyler Baby sends another apology for that poop incident last fall.  Our family was incredibly lucky to have found you both. You have helped us out on countless occasions and been reliable, flexible caregivers to our sons.

All you have done for us is so appreciated.  You will be missed.

I remember my first few weeks in a college dorm room.  It was scary, honestly.  Lonely.  Quiet.  I was a bit of a squirrel at your age, not very outgoing and I think folks can interpret that as aloof sometimes.  Long story short, I get that what you are doing — off on your own, not even with your twin for back-up, must be hard.  Your decision to go your separate ways for college has really impressed me.  Staying with what we know, choosing comfort, is how many folks run their lives.  You guys took a risk in choosing different paths and I applaud you for it.  I know you may miss one another terribly.  Peace to you both as you make this transition.

And college is a huge transition.  Not only is the pace of what you’ve been doing — being a student — accelerated, with more rigorous academics, but you are managing that accelerated pace while learning how to live on your own for the very first time.  You have responsibilities at school that you never had at home.  It’s a lot to manage and might take some time to adjust to.

You will also experience a level of freedom that many college freshmen find intoxicating.  Literally.  A lot of college kids drink too damn much.  Like, way, way, way, alcohol poisoning is not cool and could kill you, too much.  Don’t do that.  I don’t think you would, from what I know of you both, but still.  You will be offered a lot of alcohol.  Moderation, girlies, in all things.  Moderation.

And speaking of freedom.  Woot!  Freedom!  So much freedom.  Like alcohol, freedom can be intoxicating, too.  Not all eighteen year olds can handle the freedom.  It’s not because they’re “bad,” or weak or loose or lack moral fiber.  Nope.  It just means that freedom is heady stuff and being away from home the first time means that you are missing your traditional anchors and are surrounded by other kids missing their traditional anchors, too.  That can lead to feeling easily overwhelmed or falling down the rabbit hole that freedom leads you.

I know you gals have strong heads on your shoulders, cause your Mama raised you right.  Even still.  Be gentle with yourself during these first few weeks of independence.  Know that you are in the midst of a wonderful, confusing, intense phase of life.  I envy you for it, really.

Now for those villages I spoke of.  Each of us needs a village.  A group of folks we surround ourselves with that help us, in any matter of ways, to be the best us we can be.  This concept becomes a necessity when you raise kiddos.  My guess is that for eighteen years, you two have been the most important people in each other’s village.  As you separate, choose your village wisely.  If someone hurts you or puts obstacles in your path, repeatedly, chances are they are not a good fit for your particular village. Cut ’em loose.

As for the school part of school . . .  Oh, I envy you that, too.  I remember some of my professors so well, even 25 years later.  I hope you have a wonderful academic experience.  I hope you are challenged and find yourselves on this side of being overwhelmed.  But sometimes you will be overwhelmed.  It’s the nature of the beast.  It’s okay.  Buckle down.  Pull the all nighter, as needed.  Try and pace yourself.  Search for the study rhythm that works best for you.  It might be slow and steady wins the race, it might be marinate thoughts, but put off the actual work until the last minute, with all nighters and lots of caffeine, it might be a combination. You’ll find your own way, but try different methods.

And never be afraid to explore something, even if it isn’t especially practical.  Some of the best classes I took, the ones that taught me the most about life, were religion and Russian literature courses.  Use some of that new found freedom you’ve gained on the luxury of exploration.  There is so very much to learn and once adult responsibilities set in, exploration often gets put on the back burner.  Explore now.

The other piece of wisdom I would like to pass on might very possibly fall on deaf ears at this stage in your lives, but I’m gonna say it just the same, with the hope that somewhere down the line, when life throws you a sucker punch (and life will throw you many, many sucker punches), you will remember and say, “Oh yeah!  This is what Sheila was talking about,” and you might be just a little bit comforted by it.

What you think is going to happen to you, your plans and life maps and methodical preparations, well, they don’t always lead to the life you thought you might have.  Or even the life you wanted.  We can plan and strategize and try and control what happens to us, but the truth is, we won’t always succeed in that.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the Universe just insists on going a different direction.  Your heart will be broken, you will lack some basic thing you need, people will die, you won’t get the job, or the man, or the promotion, cells will mutate, someone you love will disappoint you, money will come and go, your uterus might work too well or not well enough — so many, many things will happen to you that you can’t possibly even begin to imagine now at eighteen.

It’s okay, though.  It will be okay.  It will.  And even when it’s not okay, you will figure it out.

I am so damn proud of you two.  I am so grateful to have been invited into your orbit and into the orbit of your family.  I wish you straight As and boundless love and energy, and an enthusiastic intellect and strength and peace and love.

Best of luck to you in this college transition.  xox