Tag: Bald Barbie

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Best of 2012: Happy Birthday, Mary Tyler Mom!

Two Januarys ago I started Mary Tyler Mom.  I had just returned to work after four years of being at home after moving to Cancerville.  I was adamant that I would not be writing about cancer or grief with Mary Tyler Mom.  My vision, if you will (as all good blogs start with a vision that gets quickly tossed aside, right?), was to write a blog about working and mothering.  Ha! Two years later, I quit my job, am in the middle of the adoption process, and somewhat gainfully employed as a writer.  That is simply crazy to me and nothing that I would have imagined two years ago.

This here blog is one of my greatest successes in life, unexpected as it is.  I write my words and people read them.  For criminy’s sake, SheKnows.com named me one of the Top 10 Inspirational Bloggers.  I mean, SheKnows knows, you know?  And you readers voted me as one of the Top 25 Family Blogs by Moms (No. 2, yo) through Circle of Moms.  What a dream.  Seriously.  I feel lucky, lucky, lucky for that.

That said, anniversaries and birthdays always make me want to take stock.  I am one that likes to look backwards before I look forwards.  Mary Tyler Mom is evolving and I am still not quite certain what my blog wants to be when it grows up.  A book?  A newspaper column?  A Bravo reality series?

I don’t know, and that is pretty damn exciting.

In the spirit of looking backwards before I look forwards, here is a collection of my twelve favorite posts of 2012 — one from each calender month.  Turns out, I write a lot about emotions.  Pfffft.  Go figure.  For someone who didn’t want to write about cancer or grief, well, five of my top twelve posts are about cancer and grief.  They say to write what you know, so I guess I’m following that piece of advice.  And a reader turned friend once told me that my best writing comes when I have a bee in my bonnet.  There are no less than four bees that made this list, buzzing around those bonnets.

Without further delay (cue drum roll, please), I give you my own Best of 2012 list.  If you’re new to me, check them out.  If you’ve been around a while and feel taken for granted, this list is for you, too, as great blog posts are the gift that keep on giving.

January:  Barbie v. Cancer – the post that resulted in strangers saying I should be shot dead just for suggesting kids with cancer needed research more than they needed a bald doll.  Not to mention the American Cancer Society exploiting my words as justification for why they so shamelessly ignore pediatric cancer.  And I’d show you that post, but they deleted it.  Bastards.

February:  Toddler Ten Commandments – just a fun piece of humor about how raising a toddler is infuriating.  And exhausting.  And for the birds.  And one of the sweetest privileges I’ve ever had.

March:  Live Organ Donation:  A Tale of Two Kidneys – when my friend Andy opted to donate his kidney, he asked me to write about it.  That was pretty cool.  I learned a lot about kidneys with this post.  And what it means to be a decent human being.

April:  Easter for Heathens:  Religious Holidays When You’re Not Religious – I am so damn proud of this post.  I broke the rules and wrote about religion here, or more specifically, my lack of religion.  That took guts.  I remain really proud of the results.

May:  The Good Enough Mother – Ha!  This is a more thoughtful post than it seems about how my parenting and most everything in my adult life has been influenced by a mid-century psychoanalytic theorist.  Winnicott rules.  It’s also the very first thing I published under my own name on The Huffington Post, which made me feel like a real rock star.

June:  RIP Children’s Memorial Hospital, 1882-2012 – potentially one of the most meaningful and important things I have ever written.  I started the post with a bit of an axe to grind, as I was truly sad about the closing of Donna’s hospital.  In the end, it was cathartic and almost universally praised and featured in both The Huffington Post and the Chicago Tribune (online edition).  I still hear from doctors, nurses, and fellow families from Children’s Memorial about how meaningful it was to them.

July:  Yin, Meet Yang – This might morph into an annual tradition, posting on the eve of Donna’s would be/should be birthdays.  It helps to get the sadness out, to grieve what should have been, but never will be.

August:  Adoption 101:  The Visit Ends – Sigh.  This was tough to write and tough to read, even five months later.  And while most folks who read this short series that chronicles our first visit with a potential birth family were supportive, some weren’t, including close family.  It still stings to read the raw power of so much sadness.

September:  Donna’s Cancer Story:  One Year Later – I am so glad I thought to write this exploration of what it was like to write about something so wrenching and emotional.  It still puts things in perspective for me.

October:  A Walk in the Woods:  Finding the Teachable Moment – I am still learning how to do this whole mothering thing.  Ain’t no way I have it figured out.  This post is about doing just that — learning in the moment so that our kids can learn from us.  I also just adore the photography in this post and hope to include more of that in 2013.

November:  Mommy Bloggers and Douchebags – well, I just love the headline and it goes from there.

December:  It’s the End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine) – written at the request of my dear friend, Nikki, from Moms Who Drink and Swear, who gave me my first big break in this here blogosphere.  A thoughtful post about a bottle cap and a life’s philosophy.

Thank you for keeping me company, reading my words, sharing my words, and sticking with me through the Terrible Twos.  Can I get a collective WOO to the HOO for 2013?

Ummm, cake. Nom, nom, nom,
Ummm, cake. Nom, nom, nom.
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Social Media 101: My Barbie Mea Culpa

Five days ago I wrote a post about the bald Barbie facebook page that had been crossing my feed quite a bit in the two weeks prior to that.  As the mom of a girl who died of cancer, lots of folks assumed I would be interested. That was a safe assumption.  Receiving those posts from friends and readers didn’t annoy me — it was clear that folks thought I would appreciate the idea.

What did annoy me was the idea itself.  Barbie is an icon of unattainable and unhealthy ideals of beauty and she becoming a plastic symbol now preaching acceptance of young girls like my daughter made my stomach turn.  YES, children with cancer need acceptance and support, but I stand firm that they need research more.  Dolls are great and can be therapeutic.  I get it.  But one in five of the girls diagnosed with cancer will die.  Their parents and families will forever mourn their passing.  Much in the same way that plastic Barbie  dolls will forever clog our landfills.

So I wrote about it.  Sitting in my pajamas, click clacking away on my lap top, Mary Tyler Son blessedly occupied with new Christmas and birthday gifts, I wrote about it.  Me, a computer, a sofa.

I opted to use an image in the post that is the facebook avatar of one of the groups promoting the idea of the bald Barbie — there were several groups when I wrote the post.  Within an hour or so, the administrator of the page somehow became alerted to my blog and wrote several comments.  Her tone was respectful, though her arguments, in my humble estimation, were weak.  At the time of my post, the page had approximately 5K facebook likes.  There was some excitement on Day 1, as the administrator of the page linked to it on her bald Barbie page, calling it “negative” and “against our cause.”

Early on Day 2, I heard from a childhood friend, a local news anchor, that my Barbie v. Cancer post had been picked up by Jeff Crilley’s Rundown. What’s Jeff Crilley’s Rundown, you ask?  Yeah, I had to Google it, too.   Apparently, Jeff Crilley is a pretty powerful guy.  Another friend referred to him as the “Faith Popcorn of trending and emerging topics.”

Crilley runs a PR shop, all journalists, all the time.  He publishes a daily “Rundown,” a subscription service that offers story suggestions for journalists around the country of trending topics.  Mr. Crilley, somehow, probably because of the healthy traffic that was generated, listed my Barbie v. Cancer post as a story to watch and cover.

By Tuesday night, several small media outlets around the country started running stories about the call for a bald Barbie to raise acceptance for girls with cancer and other illnesses that result in hair loss.  One gal (I can’t bring myself to call her a journalist) in Salt Lake City identified me as the “leader of the anti-bald Barbie movement.”  Really? Huh.  A movement?  And here I thought it was just me in my jammies on the living room sofa expressing an opinion.

Tuesday night is when things started getting heated.  More stories started appearing.  All referenced the bald Barbie facebook page that I had featured.  Their numbers started exploding.  The bald Barbie pages I did not feature saw no change.  Flatline.  Threads on the featured page became so heated that folks championing “the cause,” as it is so ridiculously referred to, started advocating that folks who disagreed with the manufacture and marketing of a bald Barbie should be shot.  Wow.  Yeah, that is when I promised Mary Tyler Dad I would make my exit from visiting that page anymore.

By Wednesday, Day 3, bald Barbie was national news.  God bless the Huffington Post who ran a story where I was referenced as Mary Tyler Mom with a link, rather than “one blogger.”  As Tuesday’s stories made minimal reference to there being an opposing view to the bald Barbie, I started to see the irony of the situation.  Here I was — one mom, one lap top, one pair of pajamas, one sofa — influencing national news.  And with kind of, sort of the opposite effect I was hoping for (though I love all the discussion of pediatric cancer, even if it is sanitized and romanticized).  Oops.

Turns out, America loves herself a Barbie.  Even a bald one.  The bald Barbie facebook page I featured now has over 110K likes.  In four days. Posted by one of their administrators a couple of hours ago:

Okay I am trying not to slam people’s facebook pages with clutter. However, we have been getting complaints about people’s posts. I will say this we love our supporters and hope our growth can keep up. However we grew to over 111,000 in 4 days! We all have families, and some full time jobs. We are not able to catch everything immediately. If someone is completely rude and ridiculous hit the reportbutton to Facebook. Please just contact us if we do not see it. In the last 4 days we have had many media requests internationally and nationally. So it has been very overwhelming to us all how fast this has grown. This has been a more than full time job for all the administrators involved, so please be patient with our growing pains. Thank you for your patience.

As I feared, the original intent of the bald Barbie — raising awareness for childhood cancer and other illnesses that result in girls losing their hair — has been swallowed by the pink breast cancer movement.  Many of the folks responding to this idea, and they are now all over the world, are women who have been affected by breast cancer.  Many more are calling for proceeds to be donated to the Susan G. Komen (I would add “for the cure”, but I’m pretty certain they would slap a lawsuit on my ass if I did that, so I won’t) foundation. I had a hunch that would happen when I first posted on Monday and it brings me no pleasure.

So, you’re welcome, bald Barbie “cause.”  I did you a solid.  And I learned a lesson.  One mom with a laptop and an opinion is a mighty powerful force. Word.

 

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Barbie v. Cancer

Bald Barbie

Bald Barbie is running rampant over my social media feeds this new year.

A movement is afoot to strong arm Mattel into mass producing their signature tart, Barbie, into a bald symbol of beauty for little girls with cancer and other health conditions that make their hair fall out feel “accepted and beautiful.”

“Mattel should make a Barbie with no hair so that every little girl fighting cancer feels beautiful!! The wish for this petition is that the Barbie is also named Hope and a portion of proceeds from the sales of this Barbie go to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.”

“Lets make every child fighting an illness that causes them to lose their hair feel special and beautiful-like the Barbies/Dolls they play with!”

“The goal of this “Barbie” is that all children know that bald is beautiful and deal with their own hair loss or a loved one’s . The proceeds from this doll would go to a pediatric Cancer research facilit.”

Imma about to step up on my soapbox, kids, so consider yourself warned.

Girls with cancer need a bald doll about as much as women with breast cancer need a pink Kitchen Aid mixer.  The hard truth, and spoken with authority as the mom of a girl treated for cancer, is that girls with cancer do not need a bald Barbie.  They do not need bald Disney princesses either.  I have no doubt that there are psychosocial benefits to having a bald representation of yourself if you are a kid in the middle of cancer treatment.  Our toddler daughter certainly preferred characters missing golden locks on top — Charlie Brown and Caillou were favorites of hers.  But need and want are at different ends of the spectrum.

You know what girls with cancer need?  They need money.  They need lots and lots and oodles and oodles of dollars for the researchers working on their behalf.  Primarily, these researchers are attached to well established pediatric hospitals and universities, as pharmaceutical companies only minimally invest in pediatric cancer. You see, it is not in their financial interest.  Stone cold truth, people.   This network of hospitals is knows as “COG,” the Children’s Oncology Group.

“The Children’s Oncology Group (COG), a National Cancer Institute supported clinical trials group, is the world’s largest organization devoted exclusively to childhood and adolescent cancer research. The COG unites more than 7,500 experts in childhood cancer at more than 200 leading children’s hospitals, universities, and cancer centers across North America, Australia, New Zealand, and Europe in the fight against childhood cancer.”

What do Barbies run these days?  $10?  $20?  I don’t know, honestly.  Full disclosure, I have never been a Barbie kind of girl, even as a child.  They didn’t float my boat, not then, not now.  But that’s beside my point.  If you want to support children with cancer, and it is kids with cancer — boys and girls are diagnosed at the rate of 46 every school day in America — give that $10-$20 to a charity supporting and investing in new research for pediatric cancer.

Believe me when I say, from the bottom of my broken heart, that children with cancer could use the kind of money that Mattel takes in during a single holiday season spent on research much more than they can use dolls that resemble them in follicles only. Let’s get real, okay?  If we wanted our dolls to look like our girls — if that is the premise behind the call for a bald Barbie — said dolls would not be built like unattainable fantasies of what women should look like. Can I get a witness?

The only winner in the demand for a bald Barbie will be the marketers behind such a scheme.  Supporters and petitioners can tell themselves that all “proceeds” will go to a worthy children’s health related charity, but that will be but a mere pittance compared to the much bigger dollars that will go directly into the pockets of the manufacturers and marketers.

All that pink you see in October?  A fraction of that is actually being delivered to researchers.  Marketers and manufacturers trade on the knowledge that millions of women will pony up for pink merchandise and they laugh every step to the bank, counting their pink pennies all the way.  If they see an opportunity, they will do the same with gold.  For many in the pediatric cancer community, that would be a win — making gold, the awareness color of pediatric cancer, as recognizable as pink.  To me, that always seemed a hollow goal.  Having major corporations raise awareness of pediatric cancer and the need to fund its research is A-OK in my book, but making a profit on that is not.

This opinion may not be popular in a host of circles, and that is okay with me.  I speak with an awareness of what kids with cancer actually need and I would wish that knowledge on no one — not the people who slam me for not being active enough in the pediatric cancer community, nor the people who slam me for championing pediatric cancer over breast cancer.  As I say, you can’t win for trying, but I will keep trying.

Kids with cancer need research more than they need a bald tart.  That’s right, Barbie, I called you a tart.  What of it?

Oh, and if you are wanting to help those kids with cancer with those research $ they so desperately need, here are two organizations with excellent charity ratings that get the job done and don’t make a profit at it:

CureSearch and St. Baldrick’s