I don’t really know how to answer that question myself. “Fine,” is one way, which would cover the basics — income secure, food secure, housing secure. Not worrying about those things right now is a really, really good thing. Outside of basic needs being covered, though, I am feeling a lot less, well, secure.
All of us are walking through so much right now. Whatever your politics, whatever your science (because apparently, in 2021 America, we also have our choice of science), we are all holding on to a lot in this moment — these moments, the string of them, that just keep coming.
Sometimes I wonder how much longer we can sustain this degree of uncertainty, fear, anger, outrage, sorrow, hopelessness, distrust. That’s something I worry about a lot. There are other things I worry about a lot and was going to add a little list here with bullet points and everything, but who in the hell wants to read about someone else’s worry list right now? I like you too much for that.
In these days I find myself much more inwardly focused. I’m trying hard to take care of my family, I fuss over my kids. My world feels a lot smaller in general. It’s quiet this week and for the first time since March 2020, both my kids and husband are gone at the same time. My home and I are getting reacquainted. It’s good. It feels familiar and odd all at the same time. In no way do I trust that all this divine solitude will continue. Some shoe is gonna drop and it’s only a matter of time before it does.
That kind of captures how I am right now in a nut shell — always waiting for the other shoe to drop and being certain that it will, even if I don’t know when. Maybe you feel the same some days.
It does feel good to be here, in this space, with you, if there are any yous left, that is. It’s been so long since I’ve written in this space that I actually had to Google, “How do I write on my WordPress site?” It worked and here I am.
Take care of yourself. No, really. Take care of yourself. Know that, historically speaking, we are living through some really big deal things. Like catastrophic things. Also know that there is a nice lady in Chicago thinking of you. I hope you are well, or well enough.
Today I took a walk and made brownies for lunch and opted to write instead of watch an old episode of Bachelor in Paradise. All of those things are good things. Today they will be enough.