How Are You? No, Really, I Want to Know.

I don’t really know how to answer that question myself. “Fine,” is one way, which would cover the basics — income secure, food secure, housing secure. Not worrying about those things right now is a really, really good thing. Outside of basic needs being covered, though, I am feeling a lot less, well, secure.

All of us are walking through so much right now. Whatever your politics, whatever your science (because apparently, in 2021 America, we also have our choice of science), we are all holding on to a lot in this moment — these moments, the string of them, that just keep coming.

Sometimes I wonder how much longer we can sustain this degree of uncertainty, fear, anger, outrage, sorrow, hopelessness, distrust. That’s something I worry about a lot. There are other things I worry about a lot and was going to add a little list here with bullet points and everything, but who in the hell wants to read about someone else’s worry list right now? I like you too much for that.

In these days I find myself much more inwardly focused. I’m trying hard to take care of my family, I fuss over my kids. My world feels a lot smaller in general. It’s quiet this week and for the first time since March 2020, both my kids and husband are gone at the same time. My home and I are getting reacquainted. It’s good. It feels familiar and odd all at the same time. In no way do I trust that all this divine solitude will continue. Some shoe is gonna drop and it’s only a matter of time before it does.

That kind of captures how I am right now in a nut shell — always waiting for the other shoe to drop and being certain that it will, even if I don’t know when. Maybe you feel the same some days.

It does feel good to be here, in this space, with you, if there are any yous left, that is. It’s been so long since I’ve written in this space that I actually had to Google, “How do I write on my WordPress site?” It worked and here I am.

Take care of yourself. No, really. Take care of yourself. Know that, historically speaking, we are living through some really big deal things. Like catastrophic things. Also know that there is a nice lady in Chicago thinking of you. I hope you are well, or well enough.

Today I took a walk and made brownies for lunch and opted to write instead of watch an old episode of Bachelor in Paradise. All of those things are good things. Today they will be enough.

I wore this hoody on yesterday’s walk and for the first time in forever, some of the other walkers and cyclists actually smiled and waved at me when typically folks on the path work hard not to make eye contact. That’s a win.

6 Replies to “How Are You? No, Really, I Want to Know.”

  1. Oh MTM, what a sight for lonely eyes!!! My world is so much smaller as well when ironically I have been at work since just a few weeks into the pandemic (I work in a school and working remotely isn’t an option for me). Thank you for stepping back into this space, however briefly. I’ve missed you

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  2. It is soooo very good to read your words today. I have missed you. As to how I am feeling. I’ll start with well I live in Florida and although fully vaccinated since early February, I am wearing a mask. I have never before been an anxious person but I find myself skittish more often than I care to admit. Our children and most of our grandchildren are fully vaccinated
    The youngest 3 are still too young. 🥺
    As far as the politics of this, I am a liberal living in Florida.
    Hoping you will write to us more often. Hugs…❤️

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  3. So delighted to see your post! Glad your are o.k. and the kids good.
    It has been quite a year, indeed. Covid and isolation suck! The household is all vaccinated, not so for the youngest grands. Elizabeth will turn 20 soon and is marking the 17th anniversary of her first ALL diagnosis in 2 days! She continues to have various side effects affecting her life, but is taking an intro college class this semester. Lost my brother in June. Have an almost 3 yr old g grandson! Yes, boys are different! again, so happy to find a post from you!

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  4. So glad to hear from you! Oh how I have missed your writing. So glad your family has stayed healthy. Your columns were always something to look forward to in the last several years which were so difficult. I first discovered you when you shared your beautiful Donna’s story. It was so heartbreaking but your writing was so amazing. I still go back every year and read them again. Donna’s memory stays alive in many of our hearts.

    You ask how we are all doing, which is so like you to care about how everyone else is doing. All my adult children and their spouses are vaccinated, but all 6 grandchildren are 9 and under so I worry about them everyday. We all live close to one another so we see each other all the time, but rarely go out anywhere else. This summer we took the kids to Blackberry Farm, Morton Arboretum, and Brookfield Zoo, places we would normally go, but it still is not the same. Now with the backslide of COVID no one wants to go anywhere. I have to say there have been days when I have been depressed and sad but then I think about my children and grandchildren who are all healthy. I would just like to wake up one morning and not have to worry about what is going on.

    Our country is no longer a kind place, and I hate that my grandchildren have to live with such hatred. My children are half Chinese, so of course I now have the worry of all the Asian hatred here. COVID worries me but these days the hatred worries me more. Will someone be unkind or hateful to my children or grandchildren?

    Our family is very lucky, there are no money worries, we all have plenty of anything we need, but that cannot stop what is happening here right now.

    I am glad you are all well. I hope that you will write more, we all miss you. Take care of your beautiful family.

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